Dear diary – One of the girders that supports the structure of who I am is the feeling that people owe me. Why do they owe me? Because I’m me. That’s enough and I am stunned when they don’t get it. What do they owe me? Respect, deference, admiration, compliments, praise, gifts, recognition and unquestioning [...]
Archive for the ‘Recovery’ Category
People Owe Me
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged admiration, arrogance, brilliance, compliments, deference, praise, respect on July 2, 2009 | 3 Comments »
Sweet martyrdom
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged advantage, attention, favor, grandstanding, grateful, martyr, sacrifice, tease on June 5, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – I love being a martyr. Since I am not genuinely interested in others, for their sake, it is a huge sacrifice (in my mind) when I do shown signs of interest. I enjoy doing a little favor here or there and waiting for the person on the receiving end to be less [...]
Occupational Hazard
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged addict, attention, audience, believer, disillusioned, fake, lingo, occupation, prostitute, sentiments on June 4, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – I am absolutely drawn to any kind of work that provides an audience. I am so addicted to the attention of an audience that one time I was a pastor and I wasn’t even a believer. I completely prostituted myself to the occupation, learned the lingo, faked the sentiments and basked in [...]
Empty of empathy
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged Addiction, empathy, empty, feelings, numb, people, share, weakness on June 3, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Dear diary – I am smart enough to look around and see how I am supposed to feel towards other people but I never really feel it myself. Feelings are just an annoying sign of weakness and I can’t stand it when people “share” their feelings with each other. In reality I am so numb [...]
Counseling
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged Counseling, crisis, deceit, failure, reality, self, therapist, therapy, worship on May 29, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Dear diary – I have “done” counseling before. It’s a joke. I will only go when I have absolutely crashed over a crisis of reality about how awful I am. Once I’m in the therapy session I quickly work to become the therapist’s therapist. I can do that because I really am an expert on [...]
Children
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged children, daddy issues, DNA, father, future, parenting, scar on May 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – My children are an extension of me. I’m not so concerned about their future and their independence as much as I am concerned about making sure they make me look good. I love to make claims about the family name and my strong DNA and I get irate when they do any [...]
Mirror, Mirror
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged Addiction, affirm, belonging, compliment, emptiness, empty, exist, people, truth on May 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – I hate it that I am so addicted to my need for people’s attention. I have to organize my life to accomodate my constant search for it. It someone could take a key and open a door inside of me they would see that the house is completely abandoned. No people, no [...]
Compliments
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged abandon, bait, compliments, hate, honest, praise, sweet, target on May 26, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – I use compliments like fishing bait. When I am first getting to know people I will be sweet and complimentary because I am setting people up to compliment and adore me. My only real interest in them is for the purpose of setting up a reliable, dependable source of praise for me. [...]
First Impressions
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, tagged Addiction, Diary, first impression, opinions, prostitution, response, rule, skill, worship on May 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Dear diary – I always make a good first impression. It’s a great skill I have developed through trial and error. I have one rule that makes it work every time. The rule is “when I am with you, I become you”. When I meet people I scan them for their interests and their opinions [...]
Sex Strategy
Posted in Counseling, Diary, Disorder, Narcissism, Narcissist, Psychology, Recovery, Sex, tagged attention, clinging, connection, gay, Sex, straight on May 21, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Dear Diary – I’m not promiscuous, I am not gay, I am not straight. But, I will have sex with anyone that will supply the attention I need. Sometimes the people that I am using for attention want to feel some kind of “connection” to me so I have to feign some kind of intimacy. [...]
